Update on the midwife meeting (dun dun dun dun!)

Aaah, life in France.  What magic, what wonder!  By that I mean: I wonder what they will pull out of bag of tricks next.  By "they" I mean, ALL French people, all the time.  No, just kidding.  But since I have just returned from the states, the contrast in culture is all that much more stark.  Soon, probably, as the memories fade - and as I grow again accustomed to just how difficult life can be made at nearly turn - I will become comfortably numb to it all.

But til then, allow me to update you with the result of my  previously mentioned "debriefing" with my former midwife, the midwife who broke confidentiality with me as I shared with her my previous birth experience during an interview and the psychologist who was to determine if I was still very upset by Sabine's birth and therefore not acceptable to return to their services.  Funnily, when I had told midwife #2 whom we will call by her name, Muriel, that I wanted something different than I had will midwife #1, Willy, she strongly urged me to find somewhere else to go.

What continues to amaze me is that there appear to be about five or so midwives in this giant city who actually speak English.  Okay, there are probably some in the American Hospital or the British Hospital, but they are both incredibly expensive and you are not "followed" by the midwife, meaning that the person who is in the room with you as the baby is born could be a complete stranger.  They also don't take Social Medical card soooo, not an option anyway.  I told Muriel, that there really was NO where else for me to go that would provide a less-medical model style of birth.  They don't have cozy birthing centers like in the states.  There is ONE that is close, but still the birthing is done usually in the hospital after laboring in a lovely room.  I mentioned it in a previous blog and while it is great, no speaka the English.

Anyhoot, the meeting went well.  Even though, it was held against my wishes and if I didn't go then I was out,  the meeting did go well. Nor would I say it was worth MY time, per say, as the rendezvous was done at the urging of "the team" to ensure that there was peace between myself and Willy.  But to put the team's mind at rest that there wasn't a raging (and ranting) woman dragging Groupe Naissance name through the mud, I went.  And I found that I felt much more understood at the end (always feels good to be understood) and I felt more compassion towards Willy. 

I highlighted how I felt completely under-prepared for the birth, though I was led to believe that I was prepared.  How Willy's style of complete non-nonchalance when I didn't know what to do but was scared was incompatible with what I want for the next time.  We talked about how tense my muscles became and basically left the meeting with the clear understanding that for the next birth, I intend to get to the bottom of these issues and hopefully not repeat them.  I was reading in my "HypnoBirthing" book that "fear is the cause of tension within the body, in particular the uterus" p4.

For Sabine's birth, at Willy's strong urging, we did not read or become informed about birthing, breathing, techniques or even how to use the birthing ball.  He was of the mind that the body just knows what to do.  I actually totally agree with him, that the body was designed to birth a baby without medical intervention (in most cases) and that given the time, space and respect the mother can deliver a baby without her having a medical degree.

But, for me, what was missing was the basic idea of what was happening and what was going to happen.  I was also not told that things that were worrisome were normal and fine.  Being that vulnerable and frightened just made everything tense up.  I am not even talking about the labor, which I got through fine with music and my breath.  That part, I had a handle on.  But when the urge to poop was overwhelming, I had no knowledge that that was the push the baby out urge and so, not wanting to poop on the floor, I resisted.  No one told me at that time.   

I am only now learning about HOW to give birth.  Because hot-damn, there are helpful tips out there!  As of yet, however, I still do not know where I will give birth nor who my midwife will be.  But even if we do end up going to the nearby hospital, I will be more equipped to extract our daughter confidently and without fear.  (Who knew breathing like blowing a balloon helps?)

Because it wasn't the labor pain, which was without excess pain.  I found the pain tolerable with Libana's singing lulling the pain like the ocean washing up on the shore- and gushing back and washing up and gushing back.  It was invigorating and cosmic .... right upon until the harsh change of room, hallway, elevator, medical bed, fear, confusion, tension, variety of ineffective change of positions each one more painful than the last (the change of position), the incorrect breathing, no more music, no more candles, just commands to PUSH for three hours.



Ah well, I am thrilled that I get a do-over on this one.  Worth mentioning that this HypnoBirthing book by Marie F Mongan is really great and I would highly recommend it to anyone who is pregnant.  In about three months, I will let you know how it worked!

Pictures of our incredible journey coming up, really, I promise!  I have been busy unpacking and organizing.  Don't believe me? Take a look at how Sabine's (+new baby) room has transformed:

Those drawers on the left will hold Sabine's clothes soon.

This changing table will start being used again, heavy sigh.

We needed new book shelves (left) thanks to all the wonderful new books!  Thanks to Joan for some of the really special ones :)

Got more vertical storage, got rid of some clutter and decided how to resolve the bed situation.  When the new baby is ready for her own bed, she will take Sabine's crib and Sabine will sleep on a trundle mattress kept under the crib.  I pondered the idea of getting an elevated bed, but decided to keep it simple for the moment.  Who knows, we will hopefully be moving next summer. 

So, almost entirely ready for the baby!  Now, focus on the French driver's license!

Sabine growing up! (and wearing underwear to prove it)

Short and Cute Sabine and her puff (hair)

Well, well, well ... it has come to this - a weekly update!  Well, I am not going to fail on my 2012 resolution at this point, so Sunday night: me blogging!  If you have no idea what the hell I am talking about, I decided to challenge myself for 2012 in new ways, including blogging at least once a week.  Read all about it HERE.

"Sabine, where is your puff?"

So,  Ironically - due to the time, I am already failing on one of the other resolutions: to go to bed earlier.   So, sorry to you my dear reader, but this entry will be short, but cute!



It is funny because Sabine's vocabulary is just exploding and I have said a few things around her that she has picked up unexpectedly.  Like, puff.  I was calling her hair puff to Hicham and then one day, I asked her where her puff was and she put her hands on her hair.  Another time, I said in my southern accent, "oh child" and now she spontaneously says it.  She also really likes words that end in CK, like sick, suck, truck or yes - that one.  And then one day, I said "Darn it" and she repeated "Damn it!".  I was like, "No, Sabine.  Darn it!  Darn it!"

The thing about being surrounded by people who do not ever say "Damn it" but rather, "Merdre" - is that the finger of blame can only be pointed to mama.  

This past week we have not gone really anywhere -thus the nature of this entry.  This week has been all about going potty on the toilet.  Oh yeah, baby!  Sabine is basically now potty trained.  Getting to the potty to do number two is still a work in progess, but that is apparently to be expected.   I did the three days in the house with no bottoms on and the little potty in the livingroom approach.  Sabine had already been using her potty for a few months when it was in the toilet room (if you know France, you know the toilet is kept in a tiny room of its own). She used it once and while, but nothing regular.  She knew it was there and often would hoard books in the toilet room and sit there and read.

Sabine in her new undies :)

But then I decided to take this potty training thing seriously for a couple of reasons: One is that she was on vacation, meaning that she did not go to her morning play place.  Two was that she is almost two.  I read somewhere that waiting too much past two and resistance to potty training goes up.  So,  I say, IF they show signs of being ready, (Being able to pull up/down pants, holding it, using language) then go for it!  I mean the resistance thing makes sense, who wants to get up from doing a puzzle to pee when you can just sit there and pee in your chair and not stop what you are doing?

This intuitively makes sense to me.  There are a few other windows that make sense to me regarding transition.  Such as, getting kids to sleep in their own bed (not necessarily own room) by 6 months. And, introducing bottle nipples if you are ever going to offer pumped milk by 3 months.  Of course, these are only guidelines, but I like being guided on stuff that I have no idea about!  I am a huge fan of expert books, websites and so on, even if I don't do or like what they say, it gives me food for thought.

But the truth is,  "Becoming the parent you want to be" has been the utmost useful book of my entire motherhood journey.  I also love "Super Baby Food".   Okay, wow, that was a tangent.  But the point is that, I wanted Sabine to be potty trained as soon as she was ready and she showed all the signs, so why postpone?

Now the question is, will she by age two, make it to the potty to do number two?  Her birthday is next Saturday, I will let you know next Sunday night ... but earlier :)

On Not consuming, DIY and happiness

Hello to you!  I hope as the season is turning cooler, your health remains.  That is not so for lil Miss Sabine sadly.  She has been acquiring what I call mini-colds over the last couple of weeks.  By that I mean, she has a few symptoms randomly on various days - but then is fine again.  Until today, or should I say last night.  She was hacking all night long.  Poor little puff (hair reference). 

I woke up (seems like) each and every time she coughed.  I didn't have the sense to consider that maybe her room was dry and contributing to the hacking!  Of course, the next day, I got online and looked for some health tips.  You know; immunity building, fighting colds, etc.  It was there I learned about the almighty humidifier.  One would think I would have either thought about it or knew it deep inside my soul since I grew up in Minnesota where the heat is blasting for about 6 months out of the year! 

Alas no.  But knowing and doing something about it become a tad bit more complicated in another country.  First you must translate the word to English so you know what you are shopping for and then attempt to grasp the differences between the models which are all about 3x the cost as they would be back home - but not necessarily good quality.  (Coffee makers for example will average around 75 bucks - and they are worth about 20- if that!).  Don't even get me started on the cost of garbage cans or kid's toys!  Anyhoot, then you think about going to the store.  Imagining bringing a big box on the metro while with a toddler makes me shudder.  Could wait until the weekend and go with the hubby and car and when the hoards of shoppers saturate every square inch acting like the assholes people are when in over-crowded conditions.

Anyway, as a tree-hugging enviro extremist that I am, most of this doesn't really matter since we buy probably 85% of our household everything used.  For reasons of anti-over-packaging, re-using rather than landfilling, (not) fair-trade practices and general feelings of satisfaction when getting something at a fraction of store prices - just to name a few, this is the way to go.  However, there are just a few things that probably even I, wouldn't buy second hand for health reasons and a humidifier is one of them.

But then, low and behold - the internet has once again provided me with an idea that I might have actually come up with myself before the internet existed.  I mean, seriously, am I the only one who goes straight to my good old mac with a problem before even considering a solution myself?  Particularly as it relates to Sabine, the collective mind-hive on the web has definitely taken the place of what could have been interesting live conversations.  Yeah, these are the things I am thinking about these days.  Tangent alert:  AND that is because I recently read ON THE INTERNET that the happiest people socialize SEVEN HOURS A DAY!  NPR's interview with author of ""Thrive" by Dan Buettner. 

A Happy Blue Moon and Pirate.  Happy Halloween!

Well, I am way below the required amount of socializing (with people who can talk) to be thriving.  Apparently, Buettner is specific that socializing on-line doesn't count!  So, all my comments on Huffington Post, my gmail chatting etc. are not making me happy.  I guess I could have figured that out myself.  Bearing that in mind, I have taken on the task of getting out there more and being on the phone more too.  Last weekend, I went to a friend's ethereal and truly splendid music performance, the next day a party and the day after that, another party!  And there is no denying it, after the weekend I felt pretty happy!   Oh, and as long as I am talking about happiness.  If you have never heard of The Happiness Project - go. click. bookmark. subscribe. and bask in the wisdom from both Gretchen Ruben and the people who comment.  Absolutely worth your time - and you will think about happiness in new and profound ways.

DIY spicy humidifier

Okay- back to the humidifier.  I was delighted to be inspired to use stuff we already have in order to put moisture in the air.  AND, even cooler - DIY humidifier can also be used to make the apt smell cozy! 

The crock pot with:

purified water, orange peels, cinnamon sticks, vanilla extract, cloves, nutmeg and ginger. 


I am sure there are plenty of other very nice things that could be included like mint, lemon, apple pieces - maybe even chocolate or cocoa!  Anything that smells good when warm I suppose.  If you have any other ideas, let me know.

Happy Sabine!

 

 

So, tonight, I will put the crockpot on low in Sabine's room - and hopefully this DIY method will do the trick and everyone can get a good night sleep and wake up happy :)

The absolute coolest carousel in the land of carousels!

Was gonna attempt to fill in the blanks of the last two weeks, but will instead just add a few highlights and then get on with the present!  Each day I wrote my blog entry, unfortunately in my head - not on my computer.  A couple of things have changed making my computer leisure time more scarce - and they are good!  For one thing, I have started going to bed earlier.  Second thing, I have started my French classes.  Still too early to tell what I think since the real teacher was absent for the first two classes.  And, I have been busy - both with living, learning and homemaking.  However, blogging is something I enjoy doing and something that I do for expression.  It is like journaling (without the real private stuff) and with colorful photos that I like.

I wrote the above paragraph two days ago!  What the hell?  Well, anyway ... I can now say that I love my new French teacher.  It takes about 45 minutes to get there and 45 minutes to rush back - for a class that is 1.5 hours!  But I am glad to be back in the saddle, c'est sure!

Old school boats on a perfect day

Soooo, several weeks ago we went to a really cool boat festival.  Don't ask me where exactly, I just know it was in the Loire Valley.  There was nautical stuff abound, people in costumes singing jigs and environmental awareness building displays filling the street.  As always, to see the pictures larger, click on them:)

A floating mermaid

These ladies were the wonderful singing drinking songs.

Some guys performing music on the water front, but really I am intrigued by the guy carrying the dog.

Old-school kids games

More boats.  The guy in blue was reading.

Another cool carousel, but not the coolest.

The thing that really, really, really impressed me the most the entire day was this absolutely ingenious old-skool amusement ride made entirely of drift wood and powered by parents either peddling a bike or riding a see-saw.  The music was live and was played by one talented man, whom I guessed had perhaps designed the beautiful organic carousel.  I thought Sabine was too little to go on the ride, but then I found their website and learned it was designed for 6 months to 6 years!  Check it out - they have a lot of cool stuff going on besides just this ride: http://www.theatre-toupine.org/even_15_a-driftwood-creation.html?lang=en

"Beasts of the Alpine"  The COOLEST carousel ever!

Eco-friendly, peddle powered by parents

Live accompaniment: either accordion, piano or sax.

The drift wood carousel is, for me, the stuff dreams are made of.

The elk taking a little girl on expedition.

Flying with the eagles and riding another mountain creature.

Sabine!

Since pictures can't really do this unique apparatus justice, here is a one minute video of the merry-go-round in action. I can't seem to post the actual video so you can,  Watch the carousel in action! (live accordian too!)

New Car or how driving in Paris makes you want a better car.

This post has been a long time coming and I am sorry for the delay.  My general rule is to post every other day (unless we are on vacation).  However, I have let myself and you my regular reader down.  Sorry about that. So, what has kept me so busy as of late?

In a word, the classifieds.

No, I am not looking for a new husband.  Everyone knows I met my dearly beloved online.  Yup, match.com classifieds baby.  Honestly, how else would I have him?  Although, I am sure that neither of us ever thought meeting for a glass of wine would result in this lil sweetie pie:


I am so glad it did:)
 

Anyway, so, this post was going to be about something else, and that post is waiting to be written.  But, it is still without resolve.  Before AND after is so much more satisfying.  And that topic will be toys!  My philosophy on toys, things I am learning about modern toys and ways to yes, incredibly, manage toys.  But that is part one as to why the classifieds consumed me.  I am/was on the look-out for some organizing furniture.
   More on that later.... especially since it was sort-of put on hold for a different kind of classifieds search.  A new car!

The current car we, a hem, Hicham has been driving is about 20 years old.  This is fine for both of us.  We are frugal as hell, okay, you might even call us cheap - especially when it comes to cars.  Our car does not identify us, we don't keep it tidy, we don't care if it gets scratched, and well basically it is pile of shit and that suits us fine.  It has been a tool to get us from point A to point B.  Except for one thing, I have serious panic attacks in said car.  Why?  Because it is loud, not sound proof and JUST DOESN'T FEEL SAFE!  This car in the states would be fine because our lanes are bigger and cars tend not to tail gate as they do here.   And don't get me started on the nerve-racking roundabouts found in Paris.  OMG.  The round-about concept is smooth and easy in the states, though rare, they do work well.  In Paris it is damn free for all.  Hicham has tried to explain to me "how they work".  But since not everyone seems to agree with him, they are really scary.  Here is a visual comparison:

US roundabout

French roundabout

So you can see what I mean.  When you are IN the roundabout trying to get out, there are cars coming at you from all directions.  And, yes, yes, yes, I know this does not even start to compare with places in Asia or even, Greece.  I know, but hey, it still is hectic and with our car I am just sure that one of these we WILL be one of the many cars we see smashed up on the side of the road.

Also because the lanes are smaller, the cars seem to barely miss brushing up against each other by a few millimeters on a regular basis.  Add to all that, hundreds of motorcyles and scooters zooming in between lanes of traffic and you have the recipe for disaster.  Luckily, Hicham is a very good driver and so that is comforting - but only about 50% really.  It is the other driver : stressed-out, late, fast cars who honk their horn the same time the light turns green, who almost plow into the ipod stairing pedestrians, and the cell phone talkers who literally are not paying any attention to what they are doing that make being a passenger in an old, shitty car frightening.  Especially since our car is NOT sound proof at all, you feel like you are on a race track sometimes.

So, we decided that this summer we wanted to go on more road trips and with friends coming to visit from the states, that means we will need more space and also for me to shut the fuck up as a backseat driver, we bought a new car yesterday.  Well, of course I don't mean new as in 2011 - but a new to us car.  But I don't mean a car either, I mean, a mini-van type thing.

The Scenic

I was sure I wanted to get the popular, ubiquitous "Scenic" mini-van.  It is everywhere.  It appears to be the ultimate in the family vehicle - kind of like the Dodge Caravan was in the 80's.  Hicham read all the reviews and agreed between that or that Picasso mini-van would likely be the car for us.  So, on Friday night we spend the entire night looking at classifieds, reading reviews, watching youtube videos, etc.  We had an appointment to look at some shelving for toys on Saturday morning, so our car quest got briefly interrupted.  We resumed after lunch on Saturday.  Went to a used car lot, saw the Scenic (both versions regular and grand) and were NOT impressed.  What a complete joke.  It looks super spacious from the outside, but that is all an illusion.  The three seats in the back would sit 3 nine-year-olds comfortably.  The front seats were almost as narrow.  Unreal.

Fluenz Language Learning Software Review or Learning French like an adult!

I have tried many different methods including various books, software and classes.  By far, the best system for me has been the Fluenz Language Learning software.  WORTH EVERY PENNY!

People always ask me how I became fluent in French so quickly.

Okay, that is not true at all.  I am not really fluent and well, I have been here for 2.5 years, so not so quick either.  I have a long, long ways to go.

Learning another language takes time, effort, discipline and practice.  Because I live in France, I have been forced to practice or in other words LIVE HERE therefore use French.  Discipline comes and goes as motivation comes and goes.  After going to a party where I am mainly baffled by 90% of the conversation, I vow to study the moment I get home.  As for effort (trying), that just means I devoted attention to it instead of other things.  For example, I can either listen to podcasts of "This American Life" or I can listen to  Coffee Break French.   For passive learning, Coffee Break French is brilliant.  I could listen to CBF when cleaning the kitchen, sitting on the metro, etc.  But, to really take language learning to the next level, one should devote "active thinking" time to French while not multi-tasking.  That means really giving yourself over to working with the language.


So, when I discovered Fluenz (especially after that joke Rosetta Stone), I was beyond thrilled.

In looking at their website, I copied the paragraph that sums up why Fluenz works for me:

Our philosophy is simple: we think of ourselves when we design our programs. We look at each language, be it Chinese or Italian, and take it apart from the point of view of English. We ask ourselves common sense questions: How does Italian work? What's challenging in Spanish? We then create a path through each language that makes sense to an English speaker trying to learn it. This takes a lot of time, but it's the only way it can be done.

The key for me was that they explain French using English.  Learning through immersion works great... if you are 12.  Adults learn by fitting new information into what they already know.  In my French classes here in Paris, I would supplement their strict French only stance with my French learning books that offered explanations in English.  This would enrage the teachers, but short of ripping the book out of my hands, they could not stop me from referencing it.  They would rather spend 30 minutes explaining something in French rather than letting me just read one paragraph explaining it the same damn concept in 1 minute.  Mais, non!

Fluenz is an interactive tool which incorporates natural conversations along with simple English explanations which allows me to absorb the language without analysis paralysis!  There is no memorizing 8 verb tenses and then filling out a page of busywork to practice only to completely forget it all the moment you actually try to use it because all you can remember is ALL the variant possibilities AT THE SAME TIME!

Fluenz breaks it down for you.  Teaches you how to use the language so that you can use it.  Immediately.  Yes, Immediately.  Are there tons of repetition in the exercises?  Yes, absolutely.  But it is not the same word with 8 different endings all at one time.   You don't get bored, it actually is fun.

With Fluenz, you practice it ALL too.   Listening, writing, reading, comprehension and speaking using interactive software.  You must be on the ball to use Fluenz, this is active learning.  You cannot do Fluenz and think about what you are going to eat for dinner.  It takes concentration and gives back an open door to another world!