Thursday, February 14, 2013

My baby is a baby.

Okay, so the most recent entry was OCT. 29th... which was written more than a month after the one before that.  It highlighted my disappointment in myself for not keeping up with my French (study or practice or even listening to French radio) and my desire to be more "efficient" with my time.

Well, yeah, that was my intention as I was basically under-slept, over-stressed with lil miss colic (that has long since passed, to the point where I cannot even remember she ever cried in agony for long bouts) and not really in-sync with my toddler.  That is putting it nicely, a hem.
drying laundry

I guess I thought that if I had more control over time, you know with calendars, plans, agendas and more orderly drawers and crock pot dinners that I would feel less anxious and overwhelmed.  Well, there was some truth to it and also some getting my priorities straightened out.

I know that this entry is so incredibly cliche... but I haven't ever written about it and so it is original to me.

I did get some new tools and resources to help bring some order to my mental space. I got a new smartphone - which I actually do use to keep me more organized. I got the huge Galaxy Note 2.  I basically read too much greedy greedy about apple to continue to want to support them, even though I use an imac. But I am really satisfied with my phone and the huge screen (and the pen super useful in the kitchen to scroll a recipe w/o touching the screen).

What I use daily to keep my head from spinning is basically Astrid and Digical. How I use them to help me with parenting is when I find an activity I want to do with Sabine online (and omg, there are so many, many, many amazing blogs/sites/ideas - infinite really) I attach the link or page with Astrid's super handy webclipper online and make it a task with a deadline and post it to my calendar so each day I spend with Sabine we already have at least one thing planned. Kudos & thanks to all those moms who share their brilliance with the world. As a side note, the ones I don't use immediately but want to in the future are stored in Springpad (another great webclipper/bookmarking tool for us visual people).

making a fort.
I have also signed up for this really cool play challenge and recommend anyone who has kids to do it as well. I wish I could say we have done them all each day as is the intention of taking on the challenge. Hell, I haven't even opened up all the emails - but that will be addressed in part 2 of this entry entitled: My baby is a baby!  So, check it out and be inspired!  You can find it on this INCREDIBLE blog:

We did the fort as one of the challenges suggests a couple of weeks ago. We brought flashlights and toys in and Sabine still talks about it.

Part 2: My baby is a baby!

the "reading chair"
A few weeks ago, Sabine hurt herself and I went in to pick her up and saw our reflection in the mirrors on the door of the armoire.  Because I am usually hauling Leo around and because Sabine is usually busy I don't often really pick her up.  I mean, we snuggle and stuff, but that is on the bed or in the "reading chair" (our obnoxiously huge 80's lazy boy hogging up half the living room, but providing some of my most favorite mama memories).

I feel this whimpering, damp child in my arms but what I SEE is this long-legged, big kid clinging on to me and I wonder (as all parents do), "Where is my baby?".  It all does happen so quickly, I know you have heard it all before. And so too have I. But it is when you have the epiphany yourself do you wish you had understood when someone tells you to "enjoy it because it goes by so quick". You're like, yeah yeah. I got all chocked up and after putting a calmer Sabine down, I rushed into the bedroom to see little, tiny baby Leo still tiny and I cried tears of gratitude right then and there.

So precious each moment.

So precious this time.

So, yeah, I am not studying French. I am studying my small children.

I am not powerwalking with Leo in the jogging stroller, I am holding her in my arms as we swing with the lullabies in the background.

I am not talking with as many friends as I think of and love and miss immensely, as I am deepening my bond with my baby and toddler.

I am not keeping my house that clean. Instead we hired someone to help so that I can spend time with my treasures without feeling pressure to scrub the toilet.

I am not watching movies. I am reading books with the 2 most important people in my life.

Except for a bit of volunteering, I am not enriching myself with much outside of basking in baby.

This time is fleeting, I can never get it back.  I cannot pick it up later like sewing or start over like French.  It is now, these little ones growing into big ones who shriek, "I CAN DO IT!  And she can do it, I know.  And I get to be apart of it.  So precious this time, so fleeting.

So, if you haven't seen many blog entries lately, that is why.  No apologies, no regrets.  This blog will always be here.  My baby is a baby will not.  Happy Valentine's Day.