Thursday, January 31, 2008

Looking forward to bye bye jobby-poo!

Haven't written in a while... figured that I would try not to think about the future - instead be here now, bask in the familiar.

Well well well - now I have acted outlandishly. Acted without thoughtfulness, without strategy, without a politician's mind...

Forcing the end, acting like an imprudent -childish-stubborn-boar.

So, even without trying to, I disregarded my present for the sake of the future... but not admitting it even to myself!

As if my efforts to create a departure project that would leave the organization better than I found it would suddenly become recognized as worthy and not merit the detailed inspection and a massive overhaul at the end as it typical with this group.

There would be some who would want my project to become theirs. There would be others that would be afraid of the project. There would be some that would say the money was better spent doing something else.... that they had not done anything about (but to say no to my project). Fools!

Why did I bother? Apparently I forgot myself in the enthusiasm that since I was leaving, that the inevitable change (an evolved, active, vibrant, effective group emerging) due to my departure had already happened IN MY MIND. So much for living in the present.

So it is- after 5 years of working at this place, I am delighted, ecstatic really to leave. Many have asked me how I could have stayed on for so long with such adversity... my answer was always the same, "It will get better, I can always see the glimmer of possibility just there... there in the distance". Not to mention the fact that I have always believed in the cause of social and economic justice!!!!!!

Apparently, I have been living in the future for some time now.

Monday, January 21, 2008

One day in Durham

I am writing this on MLK day. Having just marched with one of my first friends here in Durham. JB was, and continues to be, a person of great inspiration to me. He is ever Durham proud and bought a home here to invest his roots even more. It is a community that has nurtured him as he brings art, theater and expression to Durham on a regular basis. We marched together at an MLK march several years ago and today participated again. For me, I was especially glad that he called this morning about it to allow me 'one last march' in honour of the man and the struggle to grow this country into a more just place to live.

I remember when we first did it- we got to march behind Hillside High school's vivacious and energized band. High schools in Durham do more than just blow the horn and beat the drum: they choreograph. It was so wonderful to watch the band dance and play music for blocks and blocks as we marched behind them carrying a banner for Durham People's Alliance. It was a really great day!

So, today we got there a little late but still managed to be there in solidarity for the remembrance of Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr. Since my morning was one spent with one of the most creative minds I know, I will quote the Doctor:

"The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be... The nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists." Martin Luther King, Jr Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to ya! Happy Birthdaaaaaaay!

After that march, we watched a bit of a documentary called "Manufactured Landscapes" on It is view of how people are extremely shape shifting our Earth and even our humanity.

Finally, off to the much improved Durham Food CoOp with new PA brochures as we gear up to bring the Co-Opertive Alliance together in the world and not just in our heads.

My time for grieving my leaving has ended and now I am here and now it is now... A few more weeks on 'normalcy' and then the deconstruction will begin full force. Until then blogging about Durham - my home for the now. Let my life here resume - ENGAGE!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Sharing my thoughtful despair... a poem about change.

In taking the time to grieve the proper way-
I let the house become in a state of disarray

In taking the time alone
there was no sharing of my home

Eating cereal, soup and edamame
I didn't work, so there was no pay.

My visions of simplicity blown
in turning away from the known

As destiny forces me out and away
I wonder at what point I should pray?

The days are full and thin all at once
but there seems to be a natural sequence...

first is death and then rebirth and then death again
rebirth follows, more death, more rebirth: there is no end

Kali is present here and now
It is time that I remember to bow

She has cast an eye toward my way
and declaired, "Yes, my daughter you WILL die today"!

-Nicole Rowan

"Not pretending it is good - only sayin' its real.. and that my dears is real good"-NR