Monday, August 5, 2013

Judging others and why it doesn't matter

I was reflecting on how hard it was growing up in Minnesota and feeling like a full on freak most of the time. Of course, I was a freak. I wanted to be one and I wanted to express myself. I was colorful, original and a real target for judgement.

At first though it was hard to understand why people were STARING at me. Here is the thing though, the older I got and the more funky I got and the less I cared what others thought. I basically got used to it and then judged right back. "They are jealous" was my go-to defense. Minnesota, or at least any where outside of the Twin Cities is a vapid, conformist state and I shudder at the thought of ever living there again. Now, I am a bit less funky (on the outside) but still get really thrilled when I see someone really looking original (much harder to find in France).

But the point I am getting to, well 2 points really:

1. You can really, truly be a complete lone wolf as a stay at home mama. You can easily
interact only with your children all day and everyday if you want. Play groups, mom's get togethers, hell even chat rooms are completely optional. If you are lucky like me and your husband actually goes out for the groceries while you stay home with the children, you don't even have to see other shoppers. Most of my other purchases are online too. Of course, I do in fact see friends and people often currently, but this may change as we are looking at moving into the sticks. But this is entirely optional. If I didn't want to see other adults, I would not have to. To that end, diminished judgment.

It is an interesting contrast to my youth when I was forced to interact and mingle with people who thought mean thoughts about me because I was wearing 5 skirts, 3 shirts and combat boots. I really loved fashion and as usual I think in other circumstances, more supportive environment, I could have been the next big fashion designer. Well, my goal now is to actually PLUG my sewing machine in someday and whip up some cool and funky clothes for my girls. However, the impulse would be stronger if I lived in the States where most of the girls' clothes I saw were incredibly short, tight and sexualized. Here in France, girls still maintain their innocence. Until they are 15 when they all seem to stand on the sidewalk and smoke. But no judgment right? Wrong!

And that brings me to number 2:
Who cares about it?
It is funny as a stay at home mom, I get sucked into parenting articles, mom tips and mom rants online. As much as being a long wolf appeals to me, I also like to know there are other wolves in their dens howling at the nonsense occurring around them at any and all given moments when living with pups.

BUT then, there is the response of mom's who actually have opinions. Opinionated mama's are berated for being judgmental, for starting and perpetuating mom wars and basically acting like bad feminists. I would argue that it is through our so-called, “judging” of each other that we become more clear as to what is important to us.

There is a wonderful lil philosophy going around the internet at the moment. The first time I heard it, I felt my heart do a lil dance (thanks Joan Kelly as you posted it first several months ago on facebook). Of course it was originally said by the wonderful and wise Wayne Dyer:

This really opened me up in some new and exciting ways. In all honesty, it felt like I was given permission to judge. I doubt many would agree with that interpretation, but hear me out. When I saw this idiot woman wearing her stupid nearly full face veil in France, I judged her. But then, I pulled back a bit and said, no – my reaction to seeing this is not about her... at all. She doesn't care what I think about what she is wearing in the same way I didn't care at age 16. But my judgment of her is about my feelings of disgust when I see a woman feeling the need to cover herself for all the blah blah blah, religion religion religion, privacy, modesty, heaven, safety, who gives a crap. I think it is ridiculous and ????

And all those mamas out there, like me, who really do think breast is best and raise our eyebrows and ire at moms who choose to bottle feed. So what? We are judging, ooooh scary. We have ideas and criticisms about stuff. A bunch of moms were recently all bitchy about Giselle Bundchen's decision to pierce her daughter's ears. Who cares? Does Giselle? Highly doubt it. Other people might not like that I cut my girl's hair. I mean, there are religions who have rules about that. Does that matter one iota to me? Judge away. It helps clarify and define who ya are.

Judge that!

Oh and by the way:

And as a PSA, allow me to mention the horrific slaughterings of wolves currently happening in Minnesota.  There I go, judging again!

No comments: